march: the longest month ever
2022 april 01  07:14
I gotta say... march felt like it was never gonna end.
On top of the whole packing fiasco of last month and the whole... settling in thing for the first week or so at  beginning of the month, I kinda just jumped back into work right away. I guess I had been so busy since the start of the year that I got used to always being ON.
My first week was really just unpacking and setting up my office as well as trying to figure out a lot of the logistics of converting my shop to USD and all that other boring but annoying nonsense. I was eager to have my own space finally and I wanted to set it up just right so hopefully it would give off the right sort of atmosphere to work in.
The second week was catching up on march product creation so I could get packs out as soon as possible (and so I could have plenty of time to work on april stuff). It was also a whole lot more frustration with shop/sub things, and eventually having to migrate my entire shop over to Big Cartel and my sub processing to Stripe. I will ALWAYS hate the admin side of art.
I finally got to work on april stuff halfway through the third week, only cuz I wasn't getting any good ideas, but finally came up with the My Little Hoodlum theme: cute nocturnal critters who cause trouble (mainly just running around with weapons and stuff). I was sad to keep it more simple than I'd like but I didn't really have the energy nor the time to really flesh it out as I would have liked, but I still really love the results:

My Little Hoodlum: Crowbar Possum, Switchblade Raccoon, Molotov Fox

But the fourth week was pretty terrible. I basically had to change most of my meds since most of the stuff I was taking were brands only found in Canada, so I think my body was still trying to adjust to those, and it was really not having it. I also think the smallness of this town was also really starting to sink in. I am most definitely a city person. I like accessibility and having plenty of options available outside of the online sphere: stores, places to hang out, etc. This town is SMALL. And there is a whole lot of nothing around. And you need a car to mostly get around. It IS walkable but tbh, it's kinda like walking around in a really shitty suburb so there isn't a whole lot to really look at, and you're also kinda walking along 4-5 lane roads and getting a whole lot of street sand and grit flying at you. It's not pleasant.
I think by the end of the third week when I met up with the only person I know here, it dawned on me that... there really isn't much going on here. And into the fourth week with a lot of technical issues happening with making april's products, I finally had a breakdown. It was a fun little crash into depression, levels I had not felt since it got especially bad in 2013. I was just not feeling good and probably cried almost everyday for most of the month, actually. I also got some crushing anxiety about art and selling online (this one is pretty regular so I wasn't super shocked it was happening), about how I felt like sales were not going to improve and that I may end up losing subscribers again because of the switch (I had already lost a couple in march). So, overall, the move felt like a huge mistake.
I did take some time to just... cry it out and binge-watch documentaries. I did a bit of random stuff around the house like cleaning and laundry, which did seem to help a bit. I honestly think I just needed some time to just be.
I do feel a bit better, but I can't say that the feeling is totally gone. For now, I find that the best way to deal with it is actually just to stay busy, but it needs to be a better balance of work and leisure activities. The more I'm able to sit with my thoughts, the worse it gets so for now, that's what I'll focus on doing. I'm glad that I'm back on track for work after the march catch-up whirlwind. I was able to finish all my April stuff before the end of the month and I even finally did my taxes!
So that was march. I am glad it is over. I can't say I'm feeling 100% but I'm doing better than I was a week ago. I am feeling a bit hopeful since I am looking forward to probably going home to Montreal from April 22 for the rest of the month. There is still a lot of uncertainty about what to do about my status here/Tom's status in Canada, which contributes to a good chunk of my anxiety and depression. For now, I'll take advantage of being able to go back home until we figure out what to do.
I guess that's all for now. 
Thanks to everyone who already re-subscribed. If you haven't, please don't forget to sign back up to subs if you want to stay. The deadline is APRIL 5th. If you don't want to are unable to renew, please reach out to me for any issues regarding your subs. Otherwise, non-subscribers will be removed from the mailing list and sub instagram account. Thank you for all your support, I'm sad to see you go.
Here's to hoping spring and slightly warmer weather comes soon! I hope it's nice in Montreal for the week I'm up there! Until next time!
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